Life in the southwest has been far from fun for me.All tho its only been a short time I'm not sure how much more I can take.Simple little everyday tasks seem like monstrous projects and it all gets a little harder with every passing moment.I can't shake the feelings of loosing contact with the people I love,which has already started to take it's toll.It's hard to get out of bed in the morning when you have nothing to wake up to,nothing but more emptiness.I fall asleep with a part of me missing and wake up with even more of myself gone.I'm just growing tired of pretending I'm happy here. I'm sick of the act. And its tearing me apart.It's not that the people aren't nice here,or that the boys aren't cute-cos they are. It's just they aren't my people or my boys.It's all so tragic,being away from the ones you love,the ones who complete you,who make you who you are.Leaving my town,I left a part of me behind with all of you.Yall can tell me I'm not loosing anything,but truth be told I've lost it all.I don't know where I'm going or what I'll become. I've rearranged my entire existance.Its pathetic really,that I can't even be strong enough to deal with this.I understand that life isn't supposed to be easy,but what I can't understand is why it decided to be this hard.In fact I can barely remember when it was easy for me. Seems like I've always been fighting some life altering disaster.Its hard to be happy in a place where you just don't belong. And I realize things back "home" will change too,then where will I belong?I know where my heart is.And its far from here.I've been fighting for so long that I'm beginning to forget what I'm fighting for.Its all so difficult,to carry on without love in your heart.Through all this misery and affliction one thing remains,and that's my hope.I'll never let go of the hope that I'll find him again and things will be right again.But as for now I am trapped in a pit of my own agony,and there I will remain. And maybe things will get better....but its hard to hang on to a maybe.
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