___Leaving___
Smeared mascara stain her cheeks
as the tears pour from her eyes
she knows the time has come
to say her last good-bye
6 bittersweet years she spent in this town
she smiled and laughed ,cried and frowned
made memories that will last a lifetime
letting go and leaving it all behind
it's hard to pretend she's doing fine
She fell so deeply into love
and got her heart torn to bits
she carefully put it back together
and is ready to take another hit
she made so many friends,and few enemies
in this town that brought her joy and sorrow
she knows she'll be far away tomorrow
she stares out the window as her life fades to a backdrop behind her
theres nothing left to do but wave good-bye
and turn her heart around to her new life ahead...
~Jenna-Nicole Boutilier~

___My Star___
They say the stars that shine will burn for eternity
But i don't believe it.you've proven its wrong to me
Cos you were my star for so long
shining down and helping me along
But my life is dark now all in the blink of an eye
no more star to shine on me
now your gone
Im feeling so low
and im running on empty
where did you go?
Its hard to go on without you by my side
But ill always hold you deep down inside
So maybe what they say is right
your stars do shine forever they just arent always as bright.
~Jenna-Nicole Boutilier~

___You'll Never Stop Me___
Everbody hurts sometimes.
Everyone cries
Everybody's heart gets broken and we all ache
all tho it seems unbearable and i feel like i can't face another day
I tuck in my shirt and dry my eyes
I push all the hurt aside and i am strong
I walk by you with a smile on my face
knowing that God gives me the strength to make it thru this
I CAN be happy without you
but right now thats hard to see
I'll be okay without you
I am a girl thats been thru a lot
You might be able to slow me down
but you'll never stop me
~Jenna-Nicole Boutilier~

___Missing Love___
I miss love
and all the happiness it brought
i miss the nights i couldnt sleep
because my mind was filled of loveing thoughts
and the way the air always smelled sweeter
everythings better
when your in love

I miss that feeling in my heart
when i felt safe
I miss the smile on my face
when i knew i was in the right place
the way the world was perfect
through the eyes of a helpless lover

I miss what you have now
with someone else
I miss the feelings we once shared
and how amazing it felt
the way the sun always shown on me
now im only living in the shadows
~Jenna-Nicole Boutilier~

___Scared___
I don't want to turn the page on this chapter of my life.
I don't want to let go and move on.
I don't want this to be the end
and i don't need a new begining,
all i really need is your love
and to stay here in your arms.
Im too scared to close my eyes for fear that i'll open them to find myself somewhere new...
im scared to let go,im scared to move on,
but most of all im scared of losing you...
~Jenna-Nicole Boutilier~

___Alone Together__
Remembering the life we shared
and how we loved
and how we cared
together

Recalling all the happy nights
and how we laughed
and how we cried
together

Looking back on the way we tried
and how we faught
and how we lied
together

Thinking about the way it ended
and how is hurt
and hasn't mended
Missing your love so much
and how you hugged
and your gentle touch
alone
~Jenn-Nicole Boutilier~

___Friendless Misery___
My heart is hollow
and my soul is empty
with out all of you here
what am I left with?
Nothing-
nothing but shattered dreams
and broken promises
An unexplainable hurt that can't be cured
With every passing hour
I sink deeper in my hole
I hate it here
I just want to go home
I can't ever have my way
now my life's been ripped apart
I hold onto our memories
they're all I've got...
I can't believe this happened to me
A friendless world is misery
~Jenna-Nicole Boutilier~

___Pushing Love Away___
She doesn't see the pain in his eyes
cos she won't even look him the face
she thinks if she blocks him out
the memories will fade without a trace
she truly believes her heart will heal
if she only pushes him away
shes breaking his heart,shes breaking her heart
more and more every day
She can't understand
that what she's doing isn't helping a thing
they're both hurting,she doesn't want to remember
the happiness he used to bring
He can't stand the heartache
she feeds him each day
he wonders how much more he must take
A girl's heart can be her worst nightmare
it consumed her...
now she feels empty
because he's not there
~Jenna-Nicole Boutilier~

___I Wish___
I wish I could be stronger
sometimes I think I really I am
But then i look in your eyes
and I crumble like a paper doll
I wish I could losen my grip
on what is now only memories
But then I dream of my former happiness
and i hold on tight
I wish my broken heart would heal
It hurts not being able to love
But then i remember what you did to me
and my heart shatters all over again
I wish I could forget you
and everything you ever gave me
but the truth is I just can't let go
I'm not supposed to love you anymore...
~Jenna-Nicole Boutilier~

___My Savior___
You saved me
from the pit of my own despair
When no one would help me
you were always there
You gave me the strength i needed to be
the girl you saw inside of me
You picked me up when i was down
and helped me find solid ground
You made me see theres more to life
then lost love,broken hearts ,and strife
you made believe i was something strong
in your eyes i could do wrong
you healed my fractured heart
you mended it when it was torn apart
you helped me to fall in love again
but how could i not? your the perfect man
~Jenna-Nicole Boutilier~

___Someday___
Someday ill be as happy as you pretend to be
ill be as perfect as you make believe she is
ill find a guy who is everything you weren't
Someday my eyes will be dry and my smile true
the painfull memories wont be so painfull
ill look back and laugh at my broken heart
Someday ill stop wishing you were still mine
ill let go of everything we shared
you'll realize what you let slip away
Someday you'll come crawling back
but someday ill be over you and happier without you...
Someday you'll be hating it
~Jenna-Nicole Boutilier~

___Thank You___
I just want to thank you
for all youve done
to help me
and for what youve done
to hurt me
You gave me some of the best memories
i could never have asked for more
our time together was precious and ill never forget it or you
the way you smiled everytime you saw me
how we laughed together
at nothing at all
you treated me like gold
most of the time
you showed me the meaning of true love
for all off this thank you
you broke my heart in the worst possible way
i never deserved this
our time together was cut short by your hurtfull actions
im not smiling anymore.......neither are you
laughter can't be heard
you proved to me that nothing lasts forever
and true love is an illusion
but for all this thank you
you only made me stronger
and gave me pleanty to learn from
life isnt always love and laughter
but it was
for a while
with you
~Jenna-Nicole Boutilier~


___Never Let Go___
You fooled me to believing Id never love again
I thought you were right
Untill i found him
He completes me in ways you never could
He makes me alive
I never felt that with you
You were worng i do love again
stronger than before
Times were great with you they are jsut better with him
Don't get me wrong i do miss you but its time to move on
Youll always be in my heart
but it belongs to him now, you threw it away
Dont hate me because i have my life back on track
after all we've been thru we can still be friends but nothing more
our time is up for love
but never let go...
~Jenna-Nicole Boutilier~

___Bittersweet Memories___
After so much time together
I've loved you for so long
How i tried so hard to make you happy
but still you did me wrong
I thought no matter what came our way we would always be
But i thought wrong,it hurts,but now i see
All the nights I ache and cry myself to sleep i wonder if your thinking about me
It was great for as long as it would last
but is seems like our love ended much too fast
thanks for the laughs,thanks for the cries,thanks for the bittersweet memories
~Jenna-Nicole Boutilier~

___One Little Kiss___
You seep into my brain like a poison
consuming my inner most thoughts
leaving me thinking of nothign but you
and what we had
MY life was pure bliss for some time
you made me feel worthwhile and i loved you
you stole my heart like a bloodsucking theif
and you burrowed into my soul like a disgusting critter
You deplete my whole existance
and you crushed me like an ant
when you kissed her
you were suposed to be mine
we belonged to each other
i was completely yours
and you trampled me like a doormat
like i was nothign more then a convience
for 2 years
together we built a wonderful love
i thought would always last
but you threw everyhting we had away
and blamed it on me
no my body is decaying
and i cant sleep
i dont eat
im falling apart
and im dead inside
all because of you
and your one little kiss
~Jenna-Nicole Boutilier~

___Never Mine___
How dare she take you away from me
I thought you would be mine
you spoke of your love for me
so many times
You made me feel like a princess
there was nothing i wanted more
You told me such sweet things
and whipered the words i wanted to hear
We are meant to be, you said
and i believed you
But then she swooped in
and stole your love
I took you for granted
i thought youd always wait
i was wrong
and now i cry
the tears burn my face and sting my eyes
I thought you'd always be mine
but you were never mine to begin with
~Jenna-Nicole Boutilier~

___Alone___
My eyes sting
my body pains
my cheeeks are stained
with tears that flowed downt hem like rain
You broke my heart
but not only that
you totaly ripped it apart
now have nothing more
im broken laying on the floor
and im alone
~Jenna-Nicole Boutilier~


___It's Over___
Sitting in our chair
i think back
You probably dont even remember
all the times we shared
and all the places we've been together
I should've known for the start
all you would do i break my heart
tear it to shreds
then do it all over again
I shouldn't have given in
so many times i tried to pretend
things were fine and we'd never end
i know in my heart and i knew in my head
that the feelings you were giving me were totaly mislead
True love was no where to be found
especialy when i waited and you never came around
Its not right is it
the way you always make me feel like sh*t
But i just kept coming back for more
when long ago i shouldve shut that door
i let you in to take advantage of me
but now its over , don't you see
Im tired of all the heart ache and pain
and the tears that flow down me like rain
you keep telling em we are meant to be
but its clear that you are NOT the one for me
Im gonna find a man
that respects me for who i am
so i have to say goodbye too
even tho im still in love with you
~Jenna-Nicole Boutilier~

___Depression___
I walk down the hall
my heart is in my throat
i am scared to death
that they all know
Can they see it in my eyes?
all these thoughts im trying to hide
or do they hear it when i speak
im so afraid i feel like such a geek
I dont know what i worry for
its not like about me they want to know more
So i stop tensing up like a stiff board
and i quit acting like such a coward
Because they will never know
they dont take the time to look inside where the real person grows
so they will never see
that inside
depression is killing me
~Jenna-Nicole Boutilier~

___And It's...___
Lately my mind has been a blur
my life has been confusing
i dont know wich way to turn
everything is jumbled
and it's you

but one thing shines thru
clearer then the mountain air
brighter then the morning sun
and it's you

You are all i see
everywhere i go and everything i do
you even walk with me in my dreams
im in love with someone
and it's you

I only want to be with one person
wrapped up in those powerfull arms
holding me tight as no one else can do
and it's you

But this cannot happen
there is something keeping us apart
somehting holding me back
somethign i can't control
..............and it's HIM
~Jenna-Nicole Boutilier~

___You Loved Me?___
You said you loved me
and i believed you

I though I could see it in your eyes
but it was all just lies

Because if you loved me,things would be different
My heart would still be whole
my eyes would still be dry
and id still be in your arms

Instead of sitting here alone staring at a photgraph of you wondering what i did wrong.
~Jenna-Nicole Boutilier~


___Over You___
When the time comes that i can smile
and make it real
i'll know im over you
the day my heart starts to ache
and learns to love again
i'll know im over you
when my dreams become reality
and my wishes come true
i'll know im over you
when i can look at you
with the twinkle in my eye
i'll know im over you
when my crying stops
and my tears are dry
i'll know im over you
when my heads held high
and my heart sings
ill know im over you
when pigs can fly
and the cow jumps over the moon
i'll know im over you
~Jenna-Nicole Boutilier~

___Fairy Tale___
Memories of you flood my mind
The way you used to light that spark in my soul
the way you always made me feel special
and then youd kiss me
i never wanted to let go,of you and all we had
it was like a fairy tale
love story come true
you were my prince charming
and we were both happy.......for a while
but then ou castle walls started to fall apart
and the sun didn't shine quite as bright
my heart begain to sink a little
i loved you so much it hurt
then you went away for a while
i didnt want to.......but i let you leave
so you rode of on your high horse and i waved good-bye with tears in my eyes
you said you needed this "escape" and youd be back for me soon
i waited patiently finally you returned
but something was different
your smile didnt hang the same as before
something inside you changed
eventualy you told me
what happened
about her
and what you did to me
you tore my heart to shreds
this princess wasn't happily ever after anymore
that was the day you left
you haven't turned back since
my crown is crooked
and my heart is broken
forever
~Jenna-Nicole Boutilier~

___Waiting___
When i held you in my arms i held myself
I held so much
I held my lif my everything was in you
Now your gone
now im gone
everything is gone
My arms are empty
my heart is shattered
and my soul is hollow
What can i do without you?
When you left you took me with you
But im still here
with my arms wide open
and empty
waiting
for you to come back
....
~Jenna-Nicole Boutilier~

___Broken Heart___
Watching you around her
seeing the sheer joy she brings to you
makes me ill
it suffocates me with nausea.
Listening to you tallk about her
and how much you lover her
is like a thousand knieves
harpooning into my heart
and shreding it into micrscopic pieces
But what do you care?
you never cared, it was only an act
and you played the award winning role
You made me believe i was something
you made me think i was important to you
i thought you loved me
But all these dreams and fanatsies were like a mirror
A mirror that you took upon your self to shatter

now you have her
she has you
and i have nothign but a broken heart
~Jenna-Nicole Boutilier~


___Now More Than Ever___
i can feel everyone falling away from me
you are leaving when i need you most.
there is no one left to lean on.

when you needed someone i was always first in line
i was always there to lend a hand and an ear
i was alwyas there to help you out

Now i am the one who needs assistance
and you have ran from me
all i wanted was a friend
all i needed was someone to listen

But now you dont care about me
somone better came along
im made to believe you never were my friend
i was jsut there for a good time

Now that you've found her
you dont need me
but now that you've found her
i need you more then ever

my life is falling apart
and your not there to help me put it back together
you always used to be...
i guess im not important anymore

but you still mean the world to me
your still my # 1
and i still need you
now more then ever
~Jenna-Nicole Boutilier~


__Betty-Lou's Graduation___
So many things come to mind
when I try to find the words
to tell you how proud I am of
you and all you've accomplished.

Your graduation is
a very precious time. It brings
so many of your memories into focus, and
gives you so many things
to look forward to
in your tomorrows.


Today you take the first step into your new life
and i have to watch you leave
And all tho im crying i want you to know
i am so happy for you

And while you're out there
making a life for yourself
Everyday ill be thinking of you
and wondering how you are

i want to wish you good luck
and i hope all your dreams come true
but the most important thing i want to say is:

May every one of your tomorrows
be as beautiful as you are.
~Jenna-Nicole Boutilier~


__Alone__
Sitting here
alone,in the darkness of my silence

I am waiting;waiting for you
but you'll never come

I can feel the walls closing in on me
i can feel them thrieving on my pain

You said you'd always be there for me,no matter what
But where are you now? where are you when I need you the most?

I gave everything to make you happy
And asked for nothing in return,untill now

But your still not here
and you never will be

So im sitting here,alone
drowning in my tears
~Jenna-Nicole Boutilier~


__Tainted Reflection__
When i look in the mirror
I dont like the reflection starring back

Its not me,im no where to be found

You told me i was getting fat
so i stopped eating

You told me I wasn't pretty enough
so i wore more make-up

You told me my hair was too long
so i cut it

You slowly molded me to your desire
Im barely myself anymore...im parcticly you

And no matter how hard i try,i will always be you
cos when you command i listen,
and each time i kiss a part of myself good-bye
~Jenna-Nicole Boutilier~


___WRONG___
You've hurt me so many times
You've chipped away at my heart forever

But I cast it aside,because we are in love,right?

You've betrayed me and left me cold
You've left me alone and in tears

But i cast it aside,because we are in love,right?

You've broken so many promises
You've said so many cruel words

But i cast it aside,because we are in love,right?

You've lied to me over and over
You've made me feel small and insignificant

But i cast it aside,because we are in love,right?
WRONG
~Jenna-Nicole Boutilier~


___I Don't Know___
I've loved you for so long
i just expect my feelings to be a certain way
but they aren't....

I know,i dont understand it either.
It seemed so perfect,you and me
But i think the feelings are fading

I know i still love you but its like something is missing, like something has disapeared
or maybe it was never there to begain with

so much pressure from the people around us
its like our relationship has become theirs and not ours

I think its time for us to let go,move on
Its not right to continue you like this

You ask me what went wrong?
i dont know...
~Jenna-Nicole Boutilier~


__Yo-Yo___
The crowd gathers around you in AW
as your skillfull tricks fascinate them

The yo-yo rolls off your long slender fingers with the greatest ease.
It's like you're not even trying.

You can do it all,rock the cradle,around the world,sleeper
It takes you no effort what so ever
Everyone knows you've been doing this for years

The crowd is left speechless when you leave for the day
your show is over .....for now

Only it wasn't a yo-yo you were playing with
It was my heart

You've ripped it out so many times for your personal pleasure

But the sadest part is that i let you
~Jenna-Nicole Boutilier~


___Them___
When i walk down the hall,I can feel them looking at me

Their eyes burn through my skull
and their hatefull words ring in my ears

But i brush it off,I can never let my life be controled by them.

They make the rumors, they try to destroy.
And you listen to them,you believe them.

You let them make you think im horrible.
You are totaly taken by them.

It's not fair,why do you do this to me?
You say you love me but i can never believe you

Because i realize now,that all along you were just one of them
~Jenna-Nicole Boutilier~


__"Perfect Person"___
Sometimes life exceeds your expectations
and sends you the "perfect person" at the perfect time
But before you know it this "perfect person" turns out to be nothing but lies and pain.
You devote your entire life to this "perfect person" only to get stabbed in the back time and time again
This "perfect person" makes you sick,makes you ill but you cant let go
You keep going back for more like you cant get enough heart ache,like you cant cry enough tears
you keep going back like you enjoy the hurt the "perfect person" brings you
like you love having your heart ripped in two
Your "perfect person" controls you and lets you think of nothing but him
your "perfect person" consumes every bit of your life till there is nothing of you left
your life becomes his and now your not yourself
you never will be again
You let life exceed your expectations,
no one is perfect....
~Jenna-Nicole Boutilier~

___Not Forgotten___
Somedays i truly believe ive gotten over you
and have forgotten all youve done to help me and mostly what you've done to hurt me
And i think we can be friends

But simultaneously at that moment all the painful memories crash over me like a tidal wave
with no escape im drowning in the tears
i just want to forget


I want things to be the way they used to be
i loved you you loved me back even tho you didnt want to believe it
you were seeing someone else,it would've been wrong
so you held it inside


But you didnt want that you wanted the feelings to vanish
so you hurled hurtfull words at me a broke so many promises it was like a i was caught in a rockslide
and thats the way you liked it

So now everytime i think i can talk to you again
when i think things can change and be like they used to
when we shared eevrything
i can't do it i cant speak one word to you
we aren't friends but that hardly effects the memories of you...and me...YOU'RE NOT FORGOTTEN
~Jenna-Nicole Boutilier~

__Falling__
Struggling with my answers found
I pick my feet up off the ground
fighting to accept the truth

But the is this aching in my heart
and it is slowly tearing my apart
I just don't want to believe it

Something i did forced you to walk away
No matter what i tried i couldn't make you stay
Now I will never be the same

Ill endeavor to put my life back together
But i fear i'll be this way forever
Im deteriating with out you here

So now you are gone from this place
vanashid without leaving a trace
leaveing me alone...and falling
~Jenna-Nicole Boutilier~

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